| |
|
| Polygamy has been
practiced by mankind for thousands of years. Many of the ancient Israelites were
polygamous, some having hundreds of wives. In the Bible, King Solomon(S) is said to
have had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. David(S)
(Dawood)
had ninety-nine and Jacob(S) (Yakub) had four. Advice given by some
Jewish wise men state that no man should marry more than four wives.
For a long
period of time, Hindu society was polygamous---It's
shown in the Bhagavata Purana (the primary historical source of a Hindu god Krishna's
life)
that lord Krishna had 16,108 wives, with separate households
for each of them. Narada
Muni (a saint) is said to have visited each of them at Dvaraka (abode of lord
Krishna) and saw that Krishna was simultaneously with each of his wives.
He is said to have gawked in amazement when he saw this sight. Furthermore, Krishna
had children with each of his wives, so they weren't just
wives
in name only (as some modern teachers have suggested).** Shiva,
another Hindu diety, has many wives, among them Parvatti, the goddess of
Earth, Uma, the goddess of grace and Durga, the goddess-combatant.
Also,
The
(now) hurriedly debunked Laws of Manu, which till recently held sway over
the hearts of Millions of Hindus, before the English translation became
available for all to read and judge, mentions quite explicitly, "Now
a Brahmin may take four wives in the direct order of the (four)
castes." -- Visnusmrti 24:1. "One thing mixed with another
should not be sold, nor anything that is spoiled, deficient, far away, or
concealed. If one girl is shown but another is given to the bridegroom, he
may marry both of them for the single bride-price; that is what Manu
says." -- Manusmrti 8:203-4.
|
No early society
had put any restrictions on the number of wives or put any conditions about how they
were to be treated. Jesus(pbuh) was not known to have spoken against polygamy.
As recent as the 17th century, polygamy was practiced and accepted by
the Christian Church. The Mormons (Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day
Saints) has allowed and practiced polygamy in the United States.
Monogamy was
introduced into Christianity at the time of Paul when many revisions took place
in Christianity. This was done in order for the church to conform to the
Greco-Roman culture where men were monogamous but owned many slaves who were
free for them to use: in other word, unrestricted polygamy.
Early Christians
invented ideas that women were "full of sin" and man was better off to
"never marry." Since this would be the end of mankind, these same
people compromised and said "marry only one."
Many times in the
modern societies when relations are strained, the husband simply deserts his
wife. Then he cohabits with a prostitute or other immoral woman without
marriage.
Actually there
are three kinds of polygamy practiced in Western societies:
- Serial polygamy, that
is, marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce and so on any number of times.
- A man married to one
woman but having and supporting one or more mistresses.
- An unmarried man having
a number of mistresses.
|
| Islam condones
but discourages the first and forbids the other two. |
Wars cause the
number of women to greatly exceed the number of men. In a monogamous society
these women, left without husbands or support, resort to prostitution, illicit
relationships with married men resulting in illegitimate children with no
responsibility on the part of the father, or lonely spinsters or widowhood.
Some Western men
take the position that monogamy protects the rights of women. But are these men
really concerned about the rights of women? The society has many practices that
exploit and suppress women, leading to women’s liberation movements from the
suffragettes of the early twentieth century to the feminists of today.
The truth of the
matter is that monogamy protects men, allowing them to " play around"
without responsibility. Easy birth control and easy legal abortion has opened
the door of illicit sex to women and she has been lured into the so-called
sexual revolution. But she is still the one who suffers the trauma of abortion
and the side effects of birth control methods.
Taking aside the
plagues of venereal disease, herpes and AIDS, the male continues to enjoy
himself free of worry. Men are the ones protected by monogamy while women
continue to be victims of men’s desires. Polygamy is very much opposed by the
male dominated society because it would force men to face up to responsibility
and fidelity. It would force them to take responsibility for their polygamous
inclinations and would protect and provide for women and children.
| The countries
where polygamy is illegal, large number of people practice extra-marital
sex or live with a mistress. The number of mistress may go up to a dozen
or so. The Western society and the church have closed their eyes to this
particular sinful act in their own country and criticize Muslim countries
for polygamy. French President Francois Mitterand kept a mistress for long
years. She stunned the country when she appeared at Mitterand’s funeral
with two kids she had sired by him.
In some of the provinces
of India such as Gujarat, recently there have been certain instances of
Maitri-Bandhan i.e. ‘Friendship Tie’ between a married man and a woman
other than his wife. They live together without marriage and escape the
charge of polygamy. Sometimes, the friendship is registered in the court
of law. Neither the government nor the society can do anything to them. |
Among all the
polygamous societies in history there were none that limited the number of
wives. All of the relationships were unrestricted. In Islam, the regulations
concerning polygamy limit the number of wives a man can have while making him
responsible for all of the women involved.
"If you fear
that you will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good
to you,, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to
deal justly with them, then only one
or one that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable, to
prevent you from doing injustice." (Qur’an
4:3)
This verse from
the Qur’an allows a man to marry more than one woman but only if he can deal
justly with them. Another verse says that a person is unable to deal justly
between wives, thus giving permission but discouraging it.
"You will
never be able to deal justly
between wives however much you desire (to do so). But (if you have more than
one wife) do not turn altogether away (from one), leaving her as in
suspense…" (Qur’an 4:129)
While the
provision for polygamy makes the social system flexible enough to deal with all
kinds of conditions, it is not necessarily recommended or preferred by Islam.
Taking the example of the Prophet Muhammad(saw) is instructive. He was married
to one woman, Khadijah(ra), for twenty-five years. It was only after her death
when he had reached the age of fifty that he entered into other marriages to
promote friendships, create alliances or to be an example of some lesson to the
community; also to show the Muslims how to treat their spouses under different
conditions of life.
The Prophet(saw)
was given inspiration from Allah about how to deal with multiple marriages and
the difficulties encountered therein. It is not an easy matter for a man to
handle two wives, two families, and two households and still be just between the
two. No man of reasonable intelligence would enter into this situation without a
great deal of thought and very compelling reasons (other than sexual).
The bottom line
in the marriage relationship is good morality and happiness, creating a just and
cohesive society where the needs of men and women are well taken care of. The
present Western society, which permits free sex between consenting adults, has
given rise to an abundance of irresponsible sexual relationships, an abundance
of "fatherless" children, many unmarried teenage mothers; all becoming
a burden on the country’s welfare system. In part, such an undesirable welfare
burden has given rise to bloated budget deficits which even an economically
powerful country like the United States cannot accommodate. Bloated budget
deficits have become a political football which is affecting the political
system of the United States.
In short, we find
that artificially created monogamy has become a factor in ruining the family
structure, and the social, economic and political systems of the country.
It must be a
prophet, and indeed, it was Prophet Muhammad(saw) who directed Muslims to get
married or observe patience until one gets married. ‘Abdullah b. Mas’ud
reported Allah’s Messenger(saw) as saying, "Young
man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from
looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot
should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual
desire." (Bukhari and Muslim)
Islam wants
people to be married and to develop a good family structure. Also, Islam
realized the requirements of the society and the individual in special
circumstances where polygamy can be the solution to problems. Therefore, Islam
has allowed polygamy, limiting the number of wives to four, but does not require
or even recommend polygamy.
In the Muslim
societies of our times, polygamy is not frequently practiced despite legal
permission in many countries. It appears that the males of various other
countries are more
polygamous, getting away with not taking responsibility for the families they
should be responsible for.
| In the words
of Mrs. Annie Besant, a founder member of Theosophical Society, Madras,
India in her book 'Life and Teachings of Mohammed' writes: “There is
pretended monogamy in West, but it is really polygamy without
responsibility; the mistress is cast off when the man is weary of her, and
she sinks gradually as the `woman of street’, for the first lover has no
responsibility for her future. She is hundred times worse of than the
sheltered wife and mother in polygamous home. We see thousands of
miserable women who crowd the streets of Western countries during the
night. We must surely feel that it does not lie within the Western mouth
to reproach Islam for polygamy. It is better for woman, happier for woman,
more respectable for woman, to live in polygamy, united to one man only,
with legitimate child in her arm, surrounded with respect than to be
seduced and cast off in the street, perhaps with an illegitimate child
outside the pale of Law”. |
Readers Question:
Why can men have four wives and women only one husband, in Islam ?
Answer:
I’ll first address the issue of men having four wives before I answer
your question as to why women can’t have multiple husbands.
I think that among many other misconceptions about Islam is the notion
that it unconditionally allows a Muslim to have four wives. In this
regard, some scholars have gone as far as to say that keeping four wives
is a man’s essential physiological and physical need. I am afraid that
this point of view is in direct contradiction with the Qur'an. It is, in
fact, a distortion of the stance of Islam and as such has gone a long way
in disillusioning many a people from the call of this faith.
According to the Qur'an, in normal circumstances, a family comes into
being only through wedlock between a single pair of man and woman. A
subtle reference to this is made by the Qur'an where it alludes to the
fact
that when the Almighty created Adam, he made Eve for him as his only wife.
Naturally, had the Almighty intended that a man should have more than one
wife, he would have created more wives for Adam instead of just one. This
shows us that as far as a man’s physiological needs are concerned, they
are completely satisfied even if he has a single wife. Also, in normal
circumstances the ideal family is one formed by a single couple.
However, there may be circumstances in which polygamy may solve certain
social problems. The permission is, in fact, a proof of the universal
applicability of Islam. A number of problems can be solved by using this
permission which would have been impossible to overcome had Islam totally
forbidden polygamy. For example, in our society, many young widows and
divorced women with small children have to live a life of misery and no
one is willing to accept them as wives. Such widows and children can lead
normal lives if this permission is benefited from. Similarly, many young
Muslimah converts who have been abandoned by their non-Muslim husbands
need Muslim husbands.
Consequently a similar need had arisen in the time of the Prophet (saw)
when many Muslims were martyred in various battles. Many helpless widows
and children were left behind. In this situation, Muslims were urged to
look after these children and if they feared that they would not be able
to do justice to them, they should marry their mothers. The opening verses
of Surah Nisaa, in which this matter is discussed, read as follows:
"If you
fear that you would not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry
two, three or four of the women who are lawful for you. But if you fear
that you would not be able to deal justly [with them] then [restrict
yourself to] one only." (4:3)
Three implications of the verse quoted above are very clear:
Firstly, Muslims have been allowed to have more than one wife only in case
of some indispensable need.
Secondly, whatever the need be, the number of wives cannot exceed four in
any circumstances.
Thirdly, howsoever important the need be, if a person cannot maintain
balance and do justice to his wives, he must restrict himself to one. It
is, therefore, obvious from this that the permission of marrying more
than one wife has nothing to do with a man’s lust for more than one
wife. A person can have more than one wife if a moral or social need
arises and a man’s lust is certainly no such need. .
With this background, I’ll now come to your question regarding polyandry
(woman having many husbands at the same time). A recent case
published in Times Newspapers Ltd. on Dec 18th 2001 comes to mind. A
actress Liz Hurley living with her boyfriend Steve Bing, bacame pregnant
but her boyfriend maintains that he isn't sure of being the father of the
child and that he and his partner were not in an 'exclusive' relationship.
Adrienne Burges, author of Fatherhood Reclaimed, a study of
fathers, says that about a third of married men, become dads
involuntarily. How can any man take the wholehearted responsibility of a
child if he isn't sure that he is a father and the state of Single mothers
is pathetic, to say the least.
It is also a common sense that if a family is to come into being not only should
there be only one head but also one person should not be placed under the
command of multiple heads other wise, great anarchy would result. Since,
in the family set up envisaged by Islam, husbands are to head the family
and tend too all their financial and material needs, if a wife has
multiple husbands, she would be placed under the authority of many
husbands at the same time. This of course would only hasten to tear apart
the fabric of a family unit. There can be only one King and Queen or a
President and the First Lady, in a country. Similarly, the lineage of the
child borne by a woman having more than one husband cannot be envisaged.
How would the father be ascertained? Someone might say that a DNA test
would be able to do so, But how feasible was/is this. An inclusion
rate of 99% leaves a huge room for 1% doubt and a fees of US$450 is
nothing less than prohibitory. However, even if
this test is used in the present era, there still are great chances of dissent between all the
husbands with one claiming to be the father and the other denying him, or
if the child born has a handicap or has lesser aptitude, then all the
fathers might want to cash on the 1% chances of the failure of the test
and try to shy away from shouldering the responsibility of that invalid
child of theirs.
Such system, would be a
sure mess, not only for the society, but more for the women involved.
|
*In this article,
polygamy has been used to
mean 'polygyny' meaning
having two or more wives. Islam forbids 'polyandry',
meaning having two or more husbands.
**Srimad Bhagavatam 10:90:27-44;
11:1:1-4; 11:30:1-25.
[O'Flaherty, Wendy D. The
Origins of Hindu Mythology. Pub.:
University of California Press. ISBN
0-520-04098-8. p.267].
Read also: Fatwa:
Divorce and Polygamy - IslamOnline
|
